Making friends when you're no longer a student is a
challenge, no matter where you live. It doesn't matter if you're relocating cross-country
or you're moving to another part of a big city; the torturous ritual of
"making friends" begins anew. When we were kids, it was much easier,
I think, because if you didn't want to be friends with someone, you could
justify it with one sentence: "I don't like Johnny because he picks his
nose."
There. Simple as that – Johnny makes one crucial mistake,
and like that, he's forever banished from your circle of friends. Well, at
least until high school when he gives up the nasty habit and starts looking
kinda cute.
As an adult, though, everything is more nuanced, more
complex. I mean, it all starts with the fact that your pool has gotten smaller
over time. Generally, it consists of your work colleagues and neighbors and
then extends from there. Of course, you have your friends from school and
college days, but for many of us, they can literally be thousands of miles
away.
I've been really blessed to have made some great friends
over the years while living abroad. While I initially made many of them through
my husband, over time, I've made more on my own in various situations. A few of
these friendships were toxic – I can recall three of them instantaneously – and
I wisely ended them. However, the rest of my friendships have been tremendously
rewarding and continue to evolve as the years progress.
For example, recently, two of our friends came over to visit
us for the first time since we'd moved. They brought bread, French salt and a
bottle of Portuguese red wine as housewarming gifts. Not only had they taken
the time to put thought into what they would bring; they also made the effort
to make something from scratch. What meant even more to me personally was the
fact that they baked a loaf of Roggen (rye) bread because they had actually remembered
my sensitivities to wheat (while rye isn’t gluten-free, it has a lower gluten
content than wheat). Such thoughtfulness is really what stayed with me
throughout the evening. It doesn't take much to let someone know that you think
they're kinda cool and you wish them well. As a matter of fact, the most
important way to do it is by paying attention and giving some of your time.
And, to be quite honest, when we sat down and ate a really nice meal together, I
found it to be super awesome experiencing friendship in the most archaic of
ways – literally, "breaking bread" together.
By the way, bringing bread and salt (and wine) to a new
household stems from very old Judaic and Slavic traditions; it wasn't until
this encounter that I learned that it's also prevalent in Germanic traditions.
Although the symbolism for the items may differ slightly for some, generally,
we can still interpret it as it was shared in the American classic film It’s A Wonderful Life (1946):
Mary Bailey: Bread…
that this house may never know hunger.
Salt… that
life may always have flavor.
George Bailey: And wine… that joy and prosperity may reign
forever.
Thanks, W.J. and B.P. for such a memorable evening!
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