If you have a further distance to travel,
you even have the opportunity to spontaneously jump into a train at Grand
Central Station or at Penn Station. (Please don’t try to literally jump into a
train. You’ll end up profoundly embarrassing yourself without real cause.)
It’s quite the adventure!
For the most part, the people commuting here
in NYC are nice regular people trying to get to wherever it is that they want
to go. Many will offer their seats to those who appear to need it more, and
when asked for directions to a particular destination, they’ll go out of their
way to give you the information you need. Here’s a tip: When you get free
advice from regulars, use discretion of course, – but you may also very well
want to take heed. This is also the case should you ever find yourself using
public transportation in Germany.
There, when you travel relatively long
distances, you may choose to use a train operated by the Deutsche Bahn. Aside from the (in)famous high-speed
Inter-City-Express ICE trains, you can also ride the regional trains
(RegioBahn). Once, when I was riding this train, it was jam-packed and I had
the misfortune of having to sit in the compartment that offered a full view of
the train’s restroom. As you may know, Germany is known for its love of
technology, and the automatic door to the train’s toilet demonstrates this. In
order to open the door, you are required to push a small illuminated yellow
button and patiently wait for the door to slowly
slide back until it finally reveals the throne you long for. Apparently, the
creators neglected to think of the sense of urgency a user might have, so it’s
rather unfortunate that in order to close the door, you have to wait for the
door to open completely before you can push that exact same button so that the
door will slide back at a snail’s pace before you can go about your business.
Most of time, a passenger or two will remind
you of this before you walk in.
During my trip, there were about 20 people
or so sitting in this prime location within the train. As our journey
progressed, naturally, more people from other sections felt the urge to visit
ours. At one point, a woman decided to skip a couple of others waiting in the
rather short line. When the others protested, she waved her hand at them
triumphantly behind her as the door opened. But I will tell you as we say in
the south, laughing is catching. While she was being rude, she ignored the one
woman who took it upon herself to dutifully warn people about that door of the
future. You can guess what happened next…
When the door slid back to lock, it didn’t
latch. This resulted in the automatic door resetting so that it slowly,
inevitably and unstoppably rotated
open, revealing the rude woman literally caught with her pants down. Now, at the time, this
wasn’t funny. This was horrifying for everyone involved. There she was, pants
down and lurching towards a door that will not close in less than 15 seconds –
no matter what – and passengers trapped in train who couldn’t escape the humiliating
scene. Basically, we had the choice between staring in shock and repulsion or
clawing at our eyes to relieve us of the image that was being permanently etched
into our collective visual memory.
I can still see that door slowly revolving
open to this day.
Which is why:
1.
This has reinforced my preexisting
phobia of public toilets
2.
It always pays to be polite to
people, especially in confined spaces
3.
You’d better listen to
well-intending people, even if you end up choosing not to follow their advice
4.
No matter where you are, especially
if you’ve usurped other successors to the throne, check to make sure the door
is actually locked before you go about your business.
You’ll not only be doing yourself a favor,
but quite possibly the rest of the world as well.
