Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Grow Up and Buy a Pair
Monday, August 27, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
No Laughing Matter
As the weeks progress and I continue to make weekly contributions to
my blog, I get the feeling that there is a growing expectation that I should
only blog about things that are funny. Sorry to disappoint you, but this won't
be the case. There are many terrible things in the world that are nothing to
laugh about:
The Effects of Global Warming
People Who Abandon Pets
Fifty Shades of Grey
As long as there are horrible things such as these, I cannot
guarantee you a chuckle in each one of my entries. Another sad fact is that
when living abroad for an extended period of time, you'll have more than your
share of low points. It's not just about the adventure of acquiring a new
language and observing a differing culture. If you want to participate as fully
as possible, you must assimilate.
You know the Borg from Star Trek? It's kind of like that. In order
to become one with the foreign you must allow parts of yourself to be
permanently altered. This is primarily a mental process, and the emotional
sacrifices that you're bound to make will be unknown to you as you go through
assimilation. Sometimes, you won't even be aware of how you've changed until
you find yourself in front of a reflection of your monocultural past. For me,
this often occurs with American tourists abroad. That's why I have a few quick
tips...
1. When talking to Europeans, don't say to them that you're German
or Italian or French etc. unless you really are the direct child of someone of
that nationality. Say you are of German descent. Otherwise, you're highly
likely to confuse and offend someone (seriously, this has been confided to me
over the years from many folks, so don't shoot the messenger!).
2. Don't wear a Canadian patch on your backpack or luggage. You're
fooling no one and you're doubly insulting real Canadians and everyone else for
assuming that we're just as stupid as you are.
3. Don't expect everyone to speak English to you. You're free to
hope that, and you'll often be rewarded, but don't walk around personally
affronted because someone doesn't speak your language well or at all when
you're abroad. Believe it or not, the entire world is not a little America. At
least try to learn the phrase "Do you speak English?" in the language
of the country you're visiting. It's a nice gesture of respect and it usually
encourages a more hospitable nature from strangers.
On the flip side, one of the tricks for survival that I find useful
while living abroad is to take the time to see things like a tourist. In so
many ways, this is exactly like viewing the world through the eyes of a child.
Everything is a new, strange, sweet discovery and you'll notice so many more
details about your surroundings than you would while normally going about your
daily tasks. Actually, this is something you can do anywhere, regardless of
where you live.
I've noticed one distinctive factor all of the tourists in New York
have in common; no matter how casual, cool, calm and collected a demeanor they
maintain - they always look up. If you're unfamiliar with the skyscrapers and
bridges surrounding you, it's impossible to ignore their magnificence. Over
time, you start to grow immune to it, which is a bit of a shame.
In Europe, I'm so used to the architecture and the statues everywhere,
I often get so irritated when some tourists block the pathway to take yet
another picture of a building where Goethe once spent the night. All I see is
the clothing store there with a reasonable sale inside.
But as I push past them and walk inside the store, I have to smile a
little. It is pretty cool to live in a place where some of the most amazing
poets, artists, playwrights and composers in the history of the world
created their masterpieces for all of humanity. I’m pretty darn sure that many
New Yawkers must feel exactly the same.
And by the way - who would have thought that Karl Lagerfeld would
have a compilation of sketches as one piece in the Met Museum of Art?!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
An Epiphany Concerning International Public Transportation
It has occurred to me that in the city of
New York, public transportation takes precedence over other ways to travel. It
doesn’t matter what your occupation or income is, at one point or another,
you’re most likely going to be plopping into a taxi, hopping on subway or maybe
even be adventurous enough to take a bus. Using public transportation is a
great and entertaining convenience, and it is extremely easy to catch onto the
subway lines and their directions. At times, it’s also extremely easy to
impulsively rush into the wrong train – even when you’re already thinking it
might be the wrong one. It must be some kind of compulsion; I know I’ve done it
before, and I’ve seen a good handful of homegrown New Yawkers who’ve done it,
too. Bwahahaaa.
If you have a further distance to travel,
you even have the opportunity to spontaneously jump into a train at Grand
Central Station or at Penn Station. (Please don’t try to literally jump into a
train. You’ll end up profoundly embarrassing yourself without real cause.)
It’s quite the adventure!
For the most part, the people commuting here
in NYC are nice regular people trying to get to wherever it is that they want
to go. Many will offer their seats to those who appear to need it more, and
when asked for directions to a particular destination, they’ll go out of their
way to give you the information you need. Here’s a tip: When you get free
advice from regulars, use discretion of course, – but you may also very well
want to take heed. This is also the case should you ever find yourself using
public transportation in Germany.
There, when you travel relatively long
distances, you may choose to use a train operated by the Deutsche Bahn. Aside from the (in)famous high-speed
Inter-City-Express ICE trains, you can also ride the regional trains
(RegioBahn). Once, when I was riding this train, it was jam-packed and I had
the misfortune of having to sit in the compartment that offered a full view of
the train’s restroom. As you may know, Germany is known for its love of
technology, and the automatic door to the train’s toilet demonstrates this. In
order to open the door, you are required to push a small illuminated yellow
button and patiently wait for the door to slowly
slide back until it finally reveals the throne you long for. Apparently, the
creators neglected to think of the sense of urgency a user might have, so it’s
rather unfortunate that in order to close the door, you have to wait for the
door to open completely before you can push that exact same button so that the
door will slide back at a snail’s pace before you can go about your business.
Most of time, a passenger or two will remind
you of this before you walk in.
During my trip, there were about 20 people
or so sitting in this prime location within the train. As our journey
progressed, naturally, more people from other sections felt the urge to visit
ours. At one point, a woman decided to skip a couple of others waiting in the
rather short line. When the others protested, she waved her hand at them
triumphantly behind her as the door opened. But I will tell you as we say in
the south, laughing is catching. While she was being rude, she ignored the one
woman who took it upon herself to dutifully warn people about that door of the
future. You can guess what happened next…
When the door slid back to lock, it didn’t
latch. This resulted in the automatic door resetting so that it slowly,
inevitably and unstoppably rotated
open, revealing the rude woman literally caught with her pants down. Now, at the time, this
wasn’t funny. This was horrifying for everyone involved. There she was, pants
down and lurching towards a door that will not close in less than 15 seconds –
no matter what – and passengers trapped in train who couldn’t escape the humiliating
scene. Basically, we had the choice between staring in shock and repulsion or
clawing at our eyes to relieve us of the image that was being permanently etched
into our collective visual memory.
I can still see that door slowly revolving
open to this day.
Which is why:
1.
This has reinforced my preexisting
phobia of public toilets
2.
It always pays to be polite to
people, especially in confined spaces
3.
You’d better listen to
well-intending people, even if you end up choosing not to follow their advice
4.
No matter where you are, especially
if you’ve usurped other successors to the throne, check to make sure the door
is actually locked before you go about your business.
You’ll not only be doing yourself a favor,
but quite possibly the rest of the world as well.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Keepin' It Classy with Third Class Flying
There used to be a time when travelling was something glamorous. It was an experience to remember, because for a few hours, you were allowed to feel luxurious, rub elbows with the Hobnobs and be treated like royalty by service men and women. You were traveling – and in many instances, the destination didn’t always matter quite so much… the journey was the destination.
Well, this is what I’ve been told (or what I’ve seen portrayed on TV and film). Personally, I’ve never lived in an era when I wasn’t asked to strip down in one way or another, and no matter what I wear, there’s a 45.63% chance that I am going to set off the system’s alarm. I just consider it as a free massage and a chance to remember why staying relatively fit is essential not only for the health benefits, but also to protect me from perfect strangers taking free pokes on my fat rolls. Most of the time, though everyone is relatively cordial and the sense of violation that I feel is reduced when someone makes a lame joke about security measures. I wonder if this is what first class flyers have to go through. I mean, there’s First class, Business class and the Economy class, which is what I fly – and I have to agree with my Oma (German Grandmother) that it could possibly mean that I’m flying “third class”.
Once I’ve made it through the security check after inevitably having to wait behind the person who’s only seen an airport on television and doesn’t know what a “jacket” is when asked to remove it before walking through the scanner (seriously, why is there always a person who turns around in a circle looking confused as they look for the blasted jacket in their pockets? This drives me nuts. Every. Single. Time.), I make a mad dash to buy an over-priced bottle of water and juice for the duration of the 8-9 hour flight. I know that they will offer tiny sips of water or some other beverage on the plane, but it’s not enough to keep me properly hydrated for that duration of time. Besides that, I don’t like having to raise my hand and ask for something to drink. It makes me feel like I did when I was in elementary school and wanted to get water or go to the restroom. Then there’s always the genius that thinks that by hitting the TV screen harder is going to make it work more efficiently. Why do those people always sit behind me?! (You already know how I feel about the person who came up with that idea of installing a touchscreen TV in the back of someone else’s headrest.)
Despite all of the frustration I experience when travelling, I’m always grateful to be getting safely to where I intend to go – and I’ll be the first to admit that I take the ability to do this for granted far too often. But then, during the flight, I’ll glance around and my eyes will focus on that one person who’s sitting cramped in the economy class like the rest of us, but with bright eyes, large with wonderment and joy, camera in hand. To that person, we are flying first class, we areluxurious and the routine trip for me is this person’s journey of a lifetime. Sometimes I wonder if they’ve used all of their life savings to make that trip, the same trip that often grumble about having to take.
Training my eye on that one person always helps me to put things in perspective. It all depends on us to decide what we want to see and how we want to experience any given moment.
Which is exactly why I choose to keep this entry short and enjoy this one.
xoxo © 2012 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.
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