This week’s blog is not going to be nearly as long,
especially since I have to prepare for a month-long stint in NYC beginning next
week. Preparing for such a long trip takes time, and when it’s a combination of
work and play, there are so many things to think of packing. Sometimes, it’s
very easy to overlook the basic necessities. That’s why I have some quick
advice for you should you ever find yourself in need of some over-the-counter
medicine while traveling abroad.
If you are in Germany and you have a splitting headache, go
to the pharmacy (Apotheke). Tell them
that you have a headache. (Ich habe
Kopfschmerzen / Kopfweh.)
If you’re on a budget and don’t care whether or not you use
generic or name brand OTC’s, many people recommend that you ask for the
products offered by Ratiopharm, Europe’s leading pharmaceutical company that
offers generic versions of many medicines. Well, I went to the friendly
pharmacist and politely (and admittedly, rather demurely) requested a pack of
that company’s aspirin.
This is what the package looks like:
Pop quiz: When asking the pharmacist for this particular
brand of aspirin, how would you ask for
it?
This is how the conversation went for me…
Me: Good day. (Guten Tag.)
Pharmacist: Good day. What can I do for you? (Guten Tag. Was kann
ich für Sie tun?)
Me: I have a headache. I need ASS. (Ich habe Kopfschmerzen.
Ich brauche ASS.)
Pharmacist: Excuse me, what? (Wie, bitte?)
Me: I have a headache. Please give me ASS. (Ich habe Kopfweh.
Geben Sie mir ASS, bitte.)
(*Embarrassed silence on both sides of the counter.*)
Again, please look at the image of the package. I was
clearly stating the name as printed. The pharmacist looked confused with a
slight hint of amusement; I was growing agitated, and my headache wasn’t
getting any better on its own.
Me: Can you please help me? I need aspirin! (Können Sie mir bitte
helfen? Ich brauche Aspirin!)
Pharmacist: Of course! Would you like a certain brand? (Natürlich! Wollen Sie
eine bestimmten Marke?)
Me: ASS-Aspirin! (ASS-Aspirin!)
Now, if you are a native speaker of English, you know it’s a
low day when you have to repeatedly ask for something that clearly makes you
uncomfortable. There are some things you just shouldn’t have to ask for. Ever.
Finally, I just spelled it out for her: “A-S-S Aspirin.”
All of a sudden, the light bulb went on.
“Oh, A-S-S!! Of course. Here. (Selbstverständlich. Hier.)”
By that time, I could have given the woman a headache
myself. Apparently, you have to spell it. Well, with my upbringing, that would have
suited me just fine. I just left wondering why they named it ASS-Aspirin in the
first place. Only much later did I find out why.
There is a wonderful man who is well known and highly
respected in his field. As mature as I have to be in professional situations, I
still can’t help but quietly snicker when I hear or read his name.
It’s Mr. Assmann.
FYI, “Ass” in
German means “ace” in English. Of
course, in both languages, ace means #1. I don’t play cards, so knowing the
names of the faces meant little to me. It just goes to show you that everything
is a matter of perspective: The #1 man for some is just your average ass-man to
someone else.
If you have the opportunity to travel in the coming weeks,
have a safe and enjoyable time. Life’s too short not to.
And be sure to take a pack of aspirin with you.
