Ten Irrational Fears of a Foreigner in Germany

1. One day, I'm going to allow myself to be convinced that I'd look super hot in Lederhosen.

2. My favorite meal will be Bier, Bretzel and Wurst - although I've never tasted beer, you already know about my issues with bread and I actually could go a lifetime without eating sausage.

3. In perfectly normal conversations in English, I will unintentionally interject with "Ach, so!" or "Nee!" or "Naja…" (Oh, wait. I already do this.)

4. In casual, non-academic conversations, I will tell people from other countries about their own culture, traditions and perceived political shortcomings, all because I am convinced that I'm teaching them something about themselves; I'll expect them to be impressed by my vast text-book knowledge and my I-spent-two-months-backpacking-and-hitchhiking-through-your-country-so-I-know-it-better-than-you-do superiority. By doing this, ironically, I will be adopting a rather well-intended but horribly insulting practice of sadly more than a handful of Germans I've encountered.

5. Whenever someone mentions the names Thomas Gottschalk, Dieter Bohlen or Harpe Kerkeling, not only will I know who these people are, I will be able to instantaneously summon an image of these people from my visual memory. (I already can. As well as Boris Becker and all – eerily, ALL of his children.)

6. I will spend time planning for the vacation after my next vacation. (Seriously, people. What the hell.)

7. Eventually, I will accept with complete understanding why some of my favorite restaurants have to close between the hours of 2:30 and 5:30 P.M. I will also understand why a local pharmacy has to be closed on Wednesdays. Is this the day when the pharmacist protests illness (Mittwochs Krankheiten verboten)?

8. Jack Wolfskin and The North Face outerwear are going to be dearer to me than anything off the runway. Regardless of weather conditions, they will be my fashion and lifestyle statement in one. Just thinking about JW will make me feel like a badass and want to slap on a gigantic backpack. I will look forward to their catalogues almost as much as the one from IKEA. (*Shudder*)

9. If a dear friend of mine who hails from a country where having two weeks paid vacation –and the financial means to actually go on vacation – tells me that he or she is going to Paris for 4 days and 3 nights, my initial reaction will be to scoff and say that's not nearly enough time to "get to know the city". Because, well, just go back to Irrational Fear #4.

10. Not only will I look forward to watching Tagesschau (the nightly news) every evening, I will think of it every day at 7:57P.M. When the bell chimes at 8:00P.M. I will react quite similar to Pavolv’s Dog; instead of salivating, however, I will actually hum along with the melody as it is playing.

With each passing day, dear readers, I will be one step closer to succumbing to the inevitable process of Germanization. It will be like the Borg and Captain JL Picard: “Resistance is futile.” I won't go down without a fight; however, my psyche has already been forever altered. But if I end up looking like Seven of Nine in my Lederhosen, I guess I could eventually get over it.

Happy Weekend (Just one more day!) everybody.

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.

Maultaschen

This week, I thought I'd share a German dish with you. It's a Swabian specialty, I've been told, and the German name for it is Maultaschen (lit: "mouth pockets"; trans: German ravioli). Apparently, you can get them anywhere in Germany from your local supermarket. If you want to be fancy, of course, go ahead and make them yourself. The traditional ones are gigantic and are filled with a mixture of minced pork and vegetables. As they've increased in commercial popularity, there are more varieties and sizes to choose from.

The picture below is of an organic and vegetarian version. My husband boiled them in a vegetable broth, added sautéed onions on the side and ended up serving the dish as you see it. According to him, Maultaschen are also eaten with potato salad, but come on, people. I can only be so adventurous.

Happy Hump Day!

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.

If You Need Assistance on Valentine's Day...

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.

Germany Goes Gangnam Style for Karnival

Once again, it isn't Wednesday, but I thought that it would be fun to write on Valentine's Day. I can't really say why other than the fact it's good to remember that even if you may not be with someONE you love, there's always an easy way to find someTHING to love.


For instance, I love the fact that during events leading up to Fat Tuesday (Fasching, Karnival, whatever you want to call it… I prefer to call it the Never-Ending Nightmare on Elm Street), German Schlager performers actually incorporated the viral explosion Gangnam Style in one of their sets. This short video clip has satified my fantasies of what the love-child of Unintentional Humor (seriously, you know they think they're super cool) and the Grotesque would look like.

I apologize for the poor quality, but the main thing is to share the spirit of the performance.

http://youtu.be/3gQvxiNebxk

This is my Valentine's Day present to you. Enjoy.

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.

I Hope this Isn't the Leading Brand of Gum...

I went to the grocery store to pick up some coke and saw this at the cashier's counter. At this point, my silly nature has been established, so you can already guess that when I saw this, I burst out laughing. There was a punk couple in front of me, and the girl turned to look at what I laughed at... She leaned in and started laughing as well. All I could say was, "Beinahe, oder?" (Pretty close, right?) She laughed and said, "Absolut." In any case, as always, pictures are worth a thousand words.

Smile - you've survived Hump Day (the middle of the week)! Have a great week.

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.

Five Things I Love About Germany

I spend so much time talking about all of my very interesting (read: crazy) encounters, annoyances and strange events here; it's just now occurred to me to spend more time thinking about the things that I absolutely love about Germany. So, without further adieu, I will present to you five things that I love about my adopted Fatherland.

1. My husband. Well, he's German. This counts.

2. The Landscape. There are so many gorgeous regions throughout the country, and I've only seen a small fraction of them. I do hope to remedy this in the near future. It all depends on what you love to do. I tend to gravitate towards more cosmopolitan areas, but believe me, the German countryside is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful in the summer, fall, and winter; it's still wonderful in the spring, but it may be a bit wet. In any case, if you're ever in the country, be sure to have your camera ready.

3. The Baked Goods. I know, this sounds so stereotypical, but facts are facts. German bakers know how to make delicious bread. It's torturous if you have a sensitivity to gluten, but guess what? More bakeries are noticing a demand for gluten-free or gluten-reduced breads… at least in my neighborhood. Just around the corner, I have the choice between fresh baked Brötchen made from 100% rice flour or from spelt flour at one of my favorite bakeries. My husband, of course, has a smorgasbord of breads to choose from, including tons of pretzel breads, pastries, cakes, and marmalade-filled donuts (known as Berliner, in honor of JKF after he famously said, "Ich bin ein Berliner." What says "American" more than a jelly-filled donut?), cookies and more. Germans don't know what "pies" are the way we Americans know them to be - rich buttery, flaky crusts encasing fruits or nuts; however, they still make pies, calling them either Kuchen or Torte depending on the recipe. For the USA version, I've had to learn to bake my own from scratch. A pretty handy skill, but the inconvenience of it has probably saved me from gaining 20 lbs.

4. Public transportation. It doesn't matter where you are, more likely than not, you're going to have access to affordable and (generally) reliable public transportation throughout Germany. This is absolutely AMAZING. No matter what your level of income, using PT is almost treated as though it's a civic duty here – which is a good thing. It's environmentally friendly, it lets you take care of things while someone else is driving, and especially on the weekends or late nights, provides a safe way for people to get home who could have otherwise been in a position to harm others. The German trains are most prevalent, but there are trams (trollies), buses and also opportunities to register share bicycles and cars. Of course, taxis and rental cars are also available everywhere.

5. The architecture. Some of the most beautiful buildings are right under your nose, so to speak. When you go about your day-to-day activities, it's very easy not to notice the beauty that surrounds you. I don't care where you live - there is always something new for you to discover and appreciate. You just have to take the time to do it, and look at your environment in a way that you usually wouldn't. I call this living like a tourist. I can always spot a tourist miles away because he or she isn’t looking straight ahead or around like locals do. They are always looking up and around. This was especially true in New York, where you could recognize immediately who was used to the skyscrapers and who wasn't. The same thing happens here in Germany. There are so many edifices that are literally centuries old, and they're absolutely beautiful, and it's worth remembering that as you walk around. Germany, France and Spain have done such a wonderful job of preserving historical buildings by restoring them and often also incorporating modern architectural works –usually in a tasteful and artistic manner. In my opinion, France has done an exceptionally wonderful job of balancing the historical with the modern, most specifically, in Paris.

I originally wanted to write the top TEN things that I love about Germany, but I don't want them to get a big head or anything. ;-) I hope to have more opportunities visit this subject again later – maybe I'll even incorporate a few pictures.

Have a great rest of the week.

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.

Genius Overload

My husband and I went to an Apple store in Germany recently, and it was one of the most grotesque and surreal experiences of my life. While I do enjoy using their popular products, I'm not exactly fond of the company's marketing and promotional methods (and that's me speaking demurely). After our experience yesterday, though, it's also clear that sometimes it's a bit, well, stalkerish.

You know how when you walk into most Apple stores in the US, you know you've entered an expensive adult version of what a McDonald's play area used to be like in the early 90s? Happy Meals and Playtime! What could be better?

First of all, when we walked into this store, I felt like we had just walked into Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I don't mean the one with Johnny Depp, where you know deep down, the dude is just having a good time pulling your chain; I'm talking about the original with Gene Wilder, who lovingly let his freakish Umpa-Lumpas have free reign all over the place. Their scary green hair and those horrible spray tans continue to make occasional cameo appearances in my nightmares to this day.

Anyway, the first Umpa-Lumpa, I mean, genius, greeted us at the door. "Wilkommen!" We casually looked at him and politely greeted him in return as we attempted to make our way toward the Macs. But wait! Apparently, you have to make it past the bouncer, first. He scuttled beside us and leaned forward a little too closely.

"Sind Sie zum ersten mal hier?" (Is this your first time here?)

"Uh, nein."

"Kennen Sie unsere Produkte?" (Are you familiar with our products?)

"Ja…"

"Gut! Gut!" He couldn't hide his pleased expression. We were in.

"Suchen Sie etwas bestimmtes?" (Are you looking for something in particular?)

I couldn't help but sigh in irritation and I barely restrained myself from telling him with a straight face that I was looking for a Panda bear.

"Nein. Wir wollen nur schauen." (No, we’re just browsing.)

"Oh, ok… Danke und viel Spass!" (Oh, ok. Thanks, and have fun!)

Under normal circumstances, this would read like a typical exchange of information. Perhaps he needs to collect data, or he just wants to steer you in the right direction. Here, the guy was empty-handed, and the store literally had more "geniuses" than customers. It was unnerving, like he was reluctant to let us go and was beseeching more human interaction.

After we had broken free of him, my husband started looking at the Macbooks. Within five seconds, a pimply face with a wide-eyed stare popped up before us, just like a teenaged Umpa-Lumpa with a shock of blonde hair.

"Hi! Brauchen Sie Hilfe?" (Need any help?)

My husband and I automatically replied, "Nein, Danke." He didn't leave.

"Haben Sie unsere Produkte schon?" (Do you already have some of our products?)

This was getting irritating. I was beginning to see why more Germans make their purchases through Apple resellers.

This was also quite different from my experiences elsewhere. Usually, we customers are hungrily prowling for someone to help us out, and as soon as we find one, we join the circle around said prey, ready to pounce as soon as the next customer leaves. I think to be a "genius" there, you must notate on your resume that you can run quickly and disappear at will.

Not the case in this store. As soon as one left, another genius came in his wake. We literally had four of them approach us within a 2-minute period. You would think that we would have been appreciative, and perhaps we would have been, if they hadn't made us feel like we were in a plastic cage in the center of a shark tank. Each and every one of them had large eyes with dilated pupils, and they were seriously twitching, vying for our attention. I'm not insinuating that they were on anything, but I had the strange feeling that they were suffering from huge withdrawal. So few customers; too many geniuses!

What happens to the geniuses when they aren't needed anymore? I hope for the sake of us all, Apple at least gives them some sort of rehabilitation to help them get re-acclimated to a life as – (hmmm, what does Apple call its customers? Let’s try an analogy: Apple is to geniuses as customers are to _________. Now you know another reason why I “love” the company’s PR so much.) Three of them, who looked at us woefully as we walked out of the store and onto the snowy street, seriously looked like they'd been brainwashed.

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.

Breaking Bread

Making friends when you're no longer a student is a challenge, no matter where you live. It doesn't matter if you're relocating cross-country or you're moving to another part of a big city; the torturous ritual of "making friends" begins anew. When we were kids, it was much easier, I think, because if you didn't want to be friends with someone, you could justify it with one sentence: "I don't like Johnny because he picks his nose."

There. Simple as that – Johnny makes one crucial mistake, and like that, he's forever banished from your circle of friends. Well, at least until high school when he gives up the nasty habit and starts looking kinda cute.

As an adult, though, everything is more nuanced, more complex. I mean, it all starts with the fact that your pool has gotten smaller over time. Generally, it consists of your work colleagues and neighbors and then extends from there. Of course, you have your friends from school and college days, but for many of us, they can literally be thousands of miles away.

I've been really blessed to have made some great friends over the years while living abroad. While I initially made many of them through my husband, over time, I've made more on my own in various situations. A few of these friendships were toxic – I can recall three of them instantaneously – and I wisely ended them. However, the rest of my friendships have been tremendously rewarding and continue to evolve as the years progress.

For example, recently, two of our friends came over to visit us for the first time since we'd moved. They brought bread, French salt and a bottle of Portuguese red wine as housewarming gifts. Not only had they taken the time to put thought into what they would bring; they also made the effort to make something from scratch. What meant even more to me personally was the fact that they baked a loaf of Roggen (rye) bread because they had actually remembered my sensitivities to wheat (while rye isn’t gluten-free, it has a lower gluten content than wheat). Such thoughtfulness is really what stayed with me throughout the evening. It doesn't take much to let someone know that you think they're kinda cool and you wish them well. As a matter of fact, the most important way to do it is by paying attention and giving some of your time. And, to be quite honest, when we sat down and ate a really nice meal together, I found it to be super awesome experiencing friendship in the most archaic of ways – literally, "breaking bread" together.

By the way, bringing bread and salt (and wine) to a new household stems from very old Judaic and Slavic traditions; it wasn't until this encounter that I learned that it's also prevalent in Germanic traditions. Although the symbolism for the items may differ slightly for some, generally, we can still interpret it as it was shared in the American classic film It’s A Wonderful Life (1946):

Mary Bailey: Bread… that this house may never know hunger.

Salt… that life may always have flavor.

George Bailey: And wine… that joy and prosperity may reign forever.

Thanks, W.J. and B.P. for such a memorable evening!

xoxo CountryEuroCityMouse

©2012-2013 CountryEuroCityMouse™. All rights reserved.